crimson salt shaped thoughts

Monday, I came to bed at 3am, kept awake by the Olympics and thoughts, and my sister waking said, "lets get up at 6 and drive to the Ocean." So we did. It was the calmest day I've ever been there. Almost no waves, so you could just float and float and listen to underwater noises. It is that type of stillness where God's peace soaks into me.

Everything feels right lately. Not perfect, not like I'd imagine it if I were daydreaming- but just the same, it feels right. Like its moving in the right direction, like I'll get there even if I take slow steps, like I am being drawn by the riptide out to the depths- but this is a good thing. I guess that's what peace feels like- amidst the rushing, rushing. Uganda is coming so quickly, and my heart is butterflies about it and there is so much to prepare for, so much I can't prepare for. It seems unreal. Like the garbled language of the underwater whispering.

I think clouds feel like children, so far above everything that they only see play houses and doll people and little matchbox cars, and very old at the same time because they've seen so much. I feel that way. but never 21. Twenty-one is a strange age. It's supposed to mean too much, It can't possibly. mm. my head is full of sun-bleached thoughts and too much commotion, too many questions and hopes. I feel small. I feel young. But joyful. I want to keep soaking this in, coming to a deeper, ever changing understanding of what everything means.