fear.

I should be concentrating on one of my many homework assignments. I have a killer week... tomorrow: 5pg. paper, news anaylsis, case study, and weekly responses due. friday-sunday 9am-5pm class. mon-wed working with a back-to-back shift (which means 11pm, spend the night at the hotel, 7am work till 3pm. crazy.) and Daniela and Hannie will be moving out. Everything in life seems to happen at once.

but, I got to see Brian from DTS this week and it was lovely. It honestly made my month, haha. He said something, "I think deep down you do really know what you want to do and what God wants you to." And he was right. But, there's this thing in my life... fear. I hate to not be in control. I hate having to rely on other people, or God. Little fears gather in the back of my head accumilating like snow... the fear of leaving comfort, the fear of being alone, the fear of learning a foreign language, the fears of inadequacies, the fear of forsaking stability. And before I know it there is a blizzard blinding me from the sight of Jesus and the promises I claim to have faith in. Fear is a tricky thing, because it disguises itself as being reasonable, as being prepared... but, sometimes all thats left to do is jump in boldly. But, the more I've been thinking what I'm afraid of, the more I realize that Jesus has already spoken to those fears. Fears demand trust. It's so hard, so not what I want to do-- as much as I idealize the simple, adventureous journey of listening to God's voice parts of me cling to stability and control. But, the road always forks where you have to chose between Love and fear. and... "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear."

so, I'm just going to have to trust. And, it excites and terrifies me.